I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
