1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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