Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
