i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
