why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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