her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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