Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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