Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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