Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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