this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
