so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
