naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
