Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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