He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
should my penis look like a turkey
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
