i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
