I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
