I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
