once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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