:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
