Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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