I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had to cum in my sink.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
