I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
