1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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