If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
