bring money and cleavage
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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