last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
