I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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