I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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