TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
