I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
