I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
