I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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