I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
