I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
