i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
