The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
