You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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