The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
