why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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