you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
