DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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