in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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