just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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