Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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