Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
