WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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