I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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