You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
