you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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