I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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