why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
