Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
