In America we eat man semen.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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