the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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