I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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