So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
