I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
