Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
