Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
