Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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