I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
