come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
