I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
