i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize