So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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