forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
