You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
