So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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