I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
