Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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