Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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