I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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