oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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