Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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