i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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