the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
