we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
