Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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