ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize