what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He? As in you personified your dick?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
